Thank you.

Have you ever felt that you couldn't thank someone enough? That they've touched you in a way that you can't feel you will ever be able to repay? In one of my entries from a little over a week ago, I recognized a person who seemed very intriguing let along fascinating. However, I didn't know this person would touch my soul in such a way that I don't think I will ever be able to say, 'Thank you', fully.

We did a HELL of a work-out last night, we go to Gym X Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have to admit, during some of the workouts I was ready to throw up my hands and quit. Did you know, that he pushed me through all of them? He made me do them, and more despite the fact I was ready to quit. I believe it was mostly in part to a joke that was done earlier in the day, but he has no idea how it affected me! I felt strengthened, powerful- believed in. I am intrigued by this new found strength. I am intrigued by his personality, it seems to consume my mind and somehow show me new ways to endure and look at life. Never have I come across such vitality and perseverance. It is a new breath of fresh air and I love it!

I never did once imagine our friendship would come as far as it has. I actually never imagined that he would ever even speak to me. He seemed so reserved and shy. He is also much better looking that for me to even speak to him, I felt below his level. And yet, we speak about many things as if we had been friends for years. I don't understand this relationship fully, I don't understand how I could have ever been good enough to even be his friend? I know that sounds like I'm putting myself very down, but I don't see the connection. I've asked myself the same when Marcus was interested in me. For weeks he waved at me through the glass window, and only when I did speak to him did we become what we are now. What is the appeal? I don't find myself attractive at all. In my own criticism, I think I am the following:

• Average
• Nerdy
• Unattractive
• Naive
• Strange

Why do people come around and I find the complete opposite? Why do certain people come into my life and show me so much more than I ever knew? Why? I'm losing focus from the main topic. This will have to be addressed some other time. How can I thank him, John? He has made very significant changes in my life and I feel I can't thank him enough. Sure we haven't gone to the gym but maybe only a couple of weeks and we're still kind of new to each other, how do I say, 'Thank you', and he actually understand how much I really mean it? I've told him I want to purchase a gift card to newegg.com for him, but it doesn't seem like enough. I can't give him any physical pleasure for two important reasons: 1.) I'm already committed to Marcus. 2.) He is not attracted to me. And I understand that completely. His tastes are different and he would like someone more to his tastes. The only other option is to find him someone that would understand him and get to know him for the long term. He is a good person and a great friend, I do hope I can aid him in his journey to fine a suitable partner. In the meantime, though he may never read this, I hope he knows how much I'm grateful to know him. How much impact he has had on my life. And... how much he means to me. I know your beliefs are different than mine John, but God wanted us to know eachother; It was fate and I'm glad it happened. I pray I can help you find a suitable partner and I wish you nothing but the best! :)

- Nita