Anew

Exactly 1 week from today will be the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008.

Majority of society looks at this as a new beginning, a fresh start or more opportunities. For what you may wonder? One of the most common 'resolutions' or beginnings is the desire to 'lose that weight!' or 'tone up!'. Or the new year could possibly be the start of a new job, relocating to a new area, achieving a goal that was yet otherwise unattainable in the year before. The reasons, desires and lists could go on and on.

For myself; the new year means hope. It means thanks for making it through another year with my family and loved ones. My strength and belief gives me hope, so that I may continue on year after year. I give thanks that my father is at the present time, cancer free. During my birth month, about 3 weeks before my birthday, my dad was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. My sisters and my mom were all in a state of dis-belief. My grandma had died of kidney cancer about 6 years ago- to be honest. We never thought it would happen to our family.

But it did, and that was probably the hardest idea to swallow. The fact that we were affected by this wretched disease. A disease that had taken my grandma, among other friends and relatives that we knew. I was in denial for all the time during my dad's diagnosis. I didn't want to believe it! I couldn't believe it! My family had our trials and tests sure, but never anything this extreme. Cancer? In my family? In my daddy?

It did affect me right away. I cried and only thought about the outcome. All I could think in my head was, "It's not fair.". After all I had done, all that we had been through in the year before. All the money problems, the loss of my Abuelo (Grandfather) the year before, my own personal problems. After all of that; to learn that my daddy could possibly pass away and I would never see him again.

I was sad yes, but I pretended that nothing was wrong. I continued to go to get up every morning, go to work, smile and act that everything was fine. But it wasn't. Up until the day before my dad's surgery I lost it. I snapped at people, I wouldn't answer the phone, I paced in the hallway with no thoughts in my head! Just walking circles for almost 10 minutes! I felt empty and angry at the same time. I wasn't mad at God, I was mad at myself. "What did I do to make this happen?" I thought to myself. I know it wasn't my fault, but I always feel responsible for my family. I always think; if I am kind and give all I can to other people, if I share, if I help, if I do my most ultimate work and give it my all- My family will always be ok.

Needless to say, my dad's condition affected me badly. My boss ended up sending me home. She said I was in a state of shock and panic. I was told to take a few days off, a week if necessary, and spend time with my family. I did so, and I was there at my dad's surgery. I remember all of his family was there, including my sisters and mom. She cried the whole time. She is a nurse, so she new of what may be going on in the operating room. I tried not to look at her if I didn't have to. I didn't want to cry anymore. I had to be strong, I didn't want to break down.

Dad's surgery was about 3 1/2 hours long. Finally the doctor called us into a little room. We all held our breath as he gave us his report. "I was able to remove all the cancer. There is no sign of spreading." Oh my gosh, did we jump for joy! We hugged and cried and held each other! We were all so glad that it was all removed! "Thank you God! Thank you for letting me keep my Daddy." I said over and over in my head.

The good news came a few days before my birthday. My mom was upset that she didn't get me anything, but I told her, "I got my present already. I still have you and dad and the girls. That's all I need." Of course, my dad has follow-ups starting in January to make sure the cancer doesn't start growing in his remaining kidney. We all pray that things will go OK.

So I look forward to the new year with hope. The hope and prayers that will keep my family with me for many more years. In comparison to this experience, my other obstacles seem trivial. I now feel, if I can cope with what happened to my dad. I can definitely deal with those obstacles no problem.

Here's to you reading this! I wish you a happy new year!


- Nita

Dedicated to families who have been affected by cancer. There is always hope and my prayers are with you.